Monday, January 12, 2015
Week / 76 - Still, so much to do.
I think a lot, as you all know- and I have been feeling a longing to keep working hard to keep giving my all as the days begin to finally close. There is a lot of love in this work and a lot of learning. I have been noticing many things that I need to still work on and many things I am excited to face. I also realize how much I have aligned myself with God now. My heart has been beating a lot faster lately. Seems that the time you think you have goes by in a blink. But, it is glorious. I couldn't sleep the other night and feelings were battling in my head. I prayed for guidance and comfort to know what to do, as I wondered if I could really become who I truly want to be and maintain it, to be who God wants me to be. I don't want to be good, just because. I don't want to be a missionary, just because. I want to be a missionary because I love the Lord, I love my God... I love this work... And I especially love His children. Anyway, I will admit... It was a hard night... But it was a beautiful one, in the end. I laid there in my bed and let the warmth from the blankets hold me in like a cocoon. I had a restless night of staring at white walls. I didn't want to sleep, I didn't want this feeling that was inside me. But finally my eyes rested and the light from the morning danced on my bed and I felt peace, I felt like I could be more than yesterday, I was more now. I was hopeful by the feeling I had that morning. And I knew as I got out of my bed, something stirred inside me. A hope that today I was ready to fly. A great feeling that only God could provide.
I went to Leadership Counsel this week with Sister Brown and it was a really good opportunity to get a view of what a leader must look at and how we can be better examples and have more successes in the work. I really felt like the most important thing I learned from that meeting was from the Spirit and it was telling me that we need to do what we love... We need to love and love... That it's about the people and that is the focus. I really felt strongly that we need to always love... to learn that more.
I love how God works and how He answers our prayers even through other people at points. I love the members here. I love how strong they are and how they have a major influence on all of us, even us missionaries. I would do anything for them, I really look out for their welfare and when I don't make it, if I don't show enough of God's love to them and the people. I want to try harder, go longer... Just to make their day a little better.
Sister Nydegger and I have been working really hard to contact, tract and do all we can to find people to love and to hopefully teach and we have been having major successes. I know the Lord's hand is in our work. When you really turn yourselves over to Him, when you let the spirit be your guide and let the Lord's time be your own- Everything is set. The successes are coming, they are here and we must believe it. We were looking through names and ran across one in particular. We felt really prompted to go and visit this particular woman as soon as possible. We walked to her house and knocked on the door and her son answered it. We told him who we were and this little boy's eyes lit up and he smiled big. He told us to come in and brought us to his mom. The mom told us to come in and as we sat I began to notice her eyes and the way she held her hands so tight with hope. She would look at me and I could swear I knew her from before and as I sat there thinking ''have we met?'', a feeling of love came raining down and immediately I was drenched in love for her. Although, I knew her not. I could see her in this stormy world and she was warm and left us speechless. I never have paused for so long in a prayer. I gave one before we left and as the words came out of my mouth, I stopped... Not to find what to say...but to hold onto that moment a little longer. To let God hold onto this child a little longer. As the prayer closed I lifted up my eyes to realize this was what I always wanted. This is the feeling everyone dreams of. This is the love you crave for. The love that is never forgotten. In that moment it was a love only for her. A Father's love for His daughter, which I had been privileged to feel.
I am excited to see my mom, my dad, my brother, and my sisters. I am excited to be with them and know them once again. I want a deeper relationship and love for them. I know it isn't always perfect and things get rough... But I just want to be with you in all the new moments, all the new adventures to come. I am happy and ready to learn from you. I love you family. Have a good week!
Love, Sister Cuthbert
P.S. we were able to go to Lake Bled today, it was beautiful to see it in the winter with the sun shining so brightly.
Posted by Nicole Cuthbert at 10:24 AM